Random Thoughts

Again, a lot has changed since I lasted posted, but again I am going to cop out and not going into it because, frankly, I dont want to. (How was that for a run-on sentence??) Alright so maybe not a lot has changed but there has been one major change and its that I am no longer in a relationship. But in about every other aspect of my life everything has remained basically the same.

This weekend is the Tri-City Kickoff Volleyball Tournament, which I will be coaching at. My first official coaching "job." I am looking forward to it but also slightly nervous. Not nervous in that I dont know what to say or do but nervous in the fact that I dont know what it is going to be like playing a different role at the tournament. Never have I been to a volleyball tournament where I was not a player. And I am going to be honest and say that I have a feeling a little bit of jealousy could be felt on my part. Yes, I am aware that that sounds terrible and mean but watching girls play a real, quick, game of six-on-six volleyball makes me want to be doing nothing else. Those are basically my thoughts on this weekend other than it is going to be a wild ride.

Again, I need to be honest and dont get me wrong on what I am about to say...I am so ready to be back at Linfield. I cant wait to have a routine again and to be surrounded by all my lovely Hewitt Hotties. The other day a few of the girls skyped me and I came to realize how much I miss my girls. Then today I got an e-mail talking about the second floor girls event ice cream night. I would give anything at this point and time to be able to spend some time with them!! I am counting down the days until I can collect all my hugs that will be fantastic because I wont have seen the girls in almost two months!

That is basically the gist of whats going on in my life right now, not too exciting I know. And apologies for the type-o's and really terrible writing for this post...not in the school mode as of late.

Home Again

Well, I am back in the Tri-Cities now, and for awhile at that. I wont be going back to Linfield until the first week in February. Yes, I know most of you are asking, why such a long break? At Linfield because we are on semesters they have put in what we call a Jan-Term. This means that you can take up to 5 credits, and they condense a class into about a four week period. Because I came in with so many credits there was no need for me to take the classes so I am now home until February. Now the most important question to answer is what the heck am I going to do with all this free time.

Before we go into the endless possibilities of what I will be doing for the next month and half we need to go over a few things. It is the strangest feeling in the world to have absolutely nothing to do. I mean really really odd. Since I started high school I have never had a summer when I did not have something to be working on. Summer projects for upcoming classes, books to be read, projects to be finished. Not to mention that there was summer volleyball camps and the last few tournaments for club ball. So now to have literally nothing to do for two months was strange indeed. Being in college means that you always have something that you could be working on, reading more of the chapter, going over your notes, starting that essay that is due next week, as those who went to college know. Going from always having something to do to nothing is nothing short of a slap in the face.

Now to what I will be doing with all this free time. For one I plan to try and relax, but I must admit this gets old after a few hours before the need to get up and move comes. Unless, of course, I am buried in a book and I plan on burying myself in plenty of books. Catching up with friends while they are still in town is definitely part of the plan as well. Although they will only be here for about one more week.

Although what I am most excited about doing over break is to help out with my old club volleyball team, Strike Force. Mr. Baker found himself in a bind when the previous 18s coach got a coaching position in Arizona and he found himself with two teams to coach. While I am in town the plan is to help him coach the 16s as much as possible.

The last thing on my agenda for my break is to spend time with Max as well. Today we finally made plans, lets just say it was like pulling teeth out of this kid to do it. In his words "I dont plan," and hes not kidding. But he will be coming over to our side of the state for a concert with a friend and then I will drive back to his home town with him for a visit. I am really looking forward to seeing where hes from, although I have to admit I am kinda nervous to meet his friends. But we will cross that bridge when we get there.

Thats about it for my plans for January, I love being home but I gotta admit I am excited to go back to school too. So if youre not one of the family, who I know I am gonna see, be sure to give me a call so we can chat, go to lunch, or whatever, I got plenty of time to catch up! =)

P.S. please excuse any typos, I figured that I have worked long and hard for my break so I am not going to bother with "school" stuff. hehehe

I'm Back

Hello everyone, its been awhile I know. What can I say, college keeps you ridiculously busy, not to mention that when you arent doing homework you take every second to your advantage to socialize. I guess you could say that that is my excuse as to why its been months since my last post...I'm apologize if you dont find it a good one.

A lot has changed since I last made an entry, and you could probably call that an understatement. And since most of you who take the time to read my blog know the stories for the most part I am really not wanting to go into everything so I am just going to pick up in the now instead of what happened. (Run-on sentence I know but not feeling like fixing it).

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, college makes you do that. It definitely brings up an insane amount of questions about everything; relationships, the future, the past, beliefs, religion, everything. In college you meet people from all walks of life, with different experiences, hobbies, stories, and personalities. This forces you as a person to question everything you have ever known and be open to new experiences and ideas. I will not deny that this is hard, in some ways this has been some of the hardest things I have had to handle here at college. Finding the balance between learning as much as you can and continuing to stand up for what you believe is difficult. What I have discovered is that the more things you try and answer the more questions you have. Then within these answers and questions you begin to doubt things and believe others to the point that you dont know what is right and wrong anymore.

And the point of not knowing what is right and wrong anymore is where I find myself at this moment. I must admit that I have been thinking a lot lately and not really gotten anywhere when it comes to an answer that I find satisfying. But I am coming to a realization. Maybe its not about right and wrong but instead about the individual. There will never be a one single answer to any question asked, and most likely never a good consensus either. This means one thing, you have to decide for yourself. You need to figure out you and decide what "you" does or does not want to do because if you dont know who "you" are other people are going to decide for you.

This leads to the idea of "me" or "you" or whatever you would like to call it. Once again, I need to be honest, I am still trying to figure this idea of "me." Sure, I have the basic foundations of me but what about the defining, ultimate points that make a person uniquely and solely, them. So while I try and discover this about myself I am still trying to live by the idea of "always do what you are afraid to do." Its not easy, thats for sure, and I really need to try and be a little better at this but I am working on it. Well, thats what has been occupying my mind as of lately, intense, I know, but hopefully all this thinking will get me somewhere.

Random Happenings & Thoughts

I LOVE college! It has been one of the craziest weeks of my life but I am 100% loving this new experience. No class hasnt started as of yet but this whole experience has already been so fantastic! I dont really have any one specific topic for this blog but I figured I would just let you know about a few random happenings of my week.


First Brittany is fantastic! We are getting along so well! We are actually having moments now. Yesterday we rocked out entirely to Dont Stop Believing by Journey...how can you not love someone who rocks out to that song?

Both of us are trying to really hard to be outgoing and yesterday we were very successful! The Greek Life kids last night put on this small dance for everyone. Brittany and I walked up to a couple of people. With the absolutely perfect first line from Brittany "Hey, did we play signs with you guys?" We reintroduced ourselves and had great converstations with them. Then before we knew it people were actually coming into the "circle" that we had started! It was a great experience and felt so good to start something instead of being a follower.

So I have an interesting first that happened last night as Brittany and I walked back to our dorms we got asked to attend our first Frat party. And, yes, I did decline. I did not attend the party nor do I plan to do something of that nature in the near future either. I just thought that we was kinda...comical, to an extent, but also higher on the creeper scale as well.


Instead of going to the Frat party Brittany and I held a movie "party" in our room! We had six other girls just hanging out in our room! Our room was totally packed and everybody had a good time, eating our saltine crackers and diet caffine free coke. =)

I am completely loving my time here at Linfield and already feel 100% comfortable and I hope that that transfers over to the classroom as well. But if the professors are as nice as my faculty advisor I truly believe I will have fun even in the classroom. Speaking of the classroom, that would bring up the obvious question. "What classes are you taking?" Well I will give it to you.

Reading Critically and Writing Well: MTWTh
Intro to Personality Theory: MWF
History of World Civ I: MWF
Exploring Psychology: T (evening class)
Colloquium: Th (evening class, the transition class for freshman)
Volleyball

Yes, I am completely aware that this is a lot of classes. Total it is 16 credits, which is alot for a freshman. The reason I will be attempting so many credits is because as a Psychology major they want you to take the Exploring Psychology. The way the class works is that a different psychology professor comes in each week to go over their specific emphasis in psychology be it developmental, biopsych, or clinical. Basically they show you what professions are available to you through psychology. I also found out that playing volleyball will count as a credit! This is part of the reason that it seems I am taking so many credits. I have no idea how I will manage to do it all but my peer advisor, Nadia, told me that if at any time I feel overwhelmed or a class doesnt interest me that I should drop the class. Her reassurance that everyone will drop a class at some point and it is completely normal made me feel much better. So from the time class starts on Wednesday I have two weeks to drop a class without receiving an incomplete on a course.

I am SO looking forward to the family coming to visit this weekend! I am hoping that I will be able to travel around McMinnville a little more and learn about the area. But of course I just cant wait to see them and spend time with them!! Brittany and I are going to try to talk G-Pa and Dad taking us shopping for a few more dorm things! =)

In a nutshell orienation weekend has been crazy but I have been able to meet a huge number of people (from both ends of the spectrum!!!) This weekend only made me more excited about getting to spend my next four years here. I believe I am beginning to see the glimpse of what will be some of the best years of my life!! =)

PS I have defianetly been daring myself and stepping outside my box lately, and actually never remember feeling stupid or dumb for taking! I absolutely throughally (sp sorry) and completely love being JUST AMY!!!!!!!!!!!!

College, College, College

This week has flown by completely!! Despite the fact that I have been only practicing two hours a day, everyday just flies by.

Today the rest of the freshman begin moving into the dorms. I am super excited to meet even more people. Although I have been very blessed with my roommate. Brittany is awesome and we are getting along great. Not to mention we have lots in common...especially random little things like both hating scary movies and not liking to sleep in the total dark. =) I am also really getting to know Alayna, another girl on my floor and she is really nice. We have hit it off really well!! I am truly beginning to think that this is going to be a great year!!

Although I found some definate downfalls to college life as well. The biggest and probably most popular complaint; the food. Now I must be honest and say that the food isnt completely terrible but it really isnt good either. I had thought that I had understood what it meant to eat a good home-cooked meal. Oh no, I defiantely did not! You will never truly understand what this means until you go away to college and have to eat dorm food at least once a day.

The whole not seeing the family is very hard as well. It the small things that I miss the most. The other day I was talking with Mom and Dad when Katie did something funny and all of them started to laugh. I hadnt realized that I even missed that sound until then. That is something that I have taken for granted, just hearing their laughter everyday. And of course, I miss the hugs that I am blessed with everyday at home.

I really cant say that I love college as of yet because it really isnt college yet...just volleyball. Orientation starts tomorrow and I will be super busy for the next couple of days. Classes start on Wednesday and I cant wait for it! Just because I want to get into my rountine and figure out what college is really going to be like. Although I am going to make a guess and say that I am pretty sure that I am going to have the time of my life here! =)

Oh what to feel??

I am sure that most of you have already heard that I am going to play for Linfield's JV volleyball team. It was a tough couple of days for me out on the court and it really does feel good to know where I stand. I will be honest in that I have no idea how exactly I feel about the whole situation right now. There are so many different emotions swirling I am almost getting dizzy from it. I feel disappointment, sadness, relief, frustration, anger, excitment, and so many others.

Disappointment and sadness for the most obvious reason, I didnt make the top team. No one ever goes in hoping that they dont make the top team. I am disappointed in myself as well, I didnt play well at all this past few days and I will be the first person to tell you that.

Relief in that I finally now where I stand and have an idea of what my first semester at Linfield will be like. Although I do not have a schedule of when my games will be or when we will practice but I am assuming I will find out soon enough. Its a HUGE relief in that try-outs are finally over. I hate try-outs, I have always hated try-outs. Its like being on pins and needles for days on end. Did the coach see that bad pass...did he see that good pass? You may never know.

Frustration in the way that I played during try-outs. If it wasnt a train wreck that you cant get much closer. Nothing ever clicked for me. Please dont think that I am making excuses because I am not. The way that I played this weekend did deserve to be on the JV team. Its just incredibly frustrating to know that I am capable of being so much better than I was this weekend.

Anger at myself and if I am going to be 100% honest anger at the coach. Angry at myself because I did not play to my potential. So mad at myself that I was not better prepared and there is no one to blame for that but myself. But I have learned for next year and will be completely ready.

Excitement may seem like a strange emotion but playing on JV will have some pros to make the cons not seem as bad. The number one reason that I am excited is that I will most defiantly have playing time!! This is exciting to me because I will get to do what I came here to do, play volleyball. If I had made the varsity team the chances of me getting consistent or ever playing in a game is slim. There will only be 11 girls on the roster which is also good. I will also have the chance to ease into being a college student and athlete. My schedule will not be nearly as full and rigorious (spelling sorry). I am hoping that it will make it an easier transition for me.

Everyone keeps telling me next year, next year. At the moment that really irritates me because I am sick of next year and wishing for this year. But they are right in that I have next year to give it a shot again and be even better prepared because I will know what I can expect. Just wait till next year when they get to see what I am truly capable of doing. And in the meanwhile I will prove them wrong as I bust my butt on JV.

this really IS happening!!

I am now official. I am completely moved into my dorm (Hewitt room 216). I have make it through me first day of volleyball. They have already seperated some of the girls for JV. I am still in the running for a Varsity spot so now its really time to kick it up a notch!

For the first day of practice in a really long time I didnt do too shabby but there is defiantly still lots of room for improvement. I felt better about the morning session then afternoon but it happens. The morning practice was really great up until we ran 1000 yards worth of sprints this morning in way less than 15 minutes! Totally crazy, I thought my legs were going to fall clear off. To give you a clue of how bad it was, Katie asked me why I was limping after pratice. The soreness is already beginning to set in so the stairs will be oh so fun tomorrow! (NOT!!)

You will be happy to hear that I am making friends and meeting lots of new people! Alayna, Amy (one of the Amys...there are several of us) and I sat and talked and it was fantastic. We just learned more about each other and it was FANTASTIC! This whole meeting people seems easier than I thought it would be and that makes me SO happy!!! Tonight we had a get together of the the athletes in Hewitt and got to meet even more people.

Today was a great start to what I hope will be an even better year! Its sure is an adventure and its only beginning! =)