Oh what to feel??

I am sure that most of you have already heard that I am going to play for Linfield's JV volleyball team. It was a tough couple of days for me out on the court and it really does feel good to know where I stand. I will be honest in that I have no idea how exactly I feel about the whole situation right now. There are so many different emotions swirling I am almost getting dizzy from it. I feel disappointment, sadness, relief, frustration, anger, excitment, and so many others.

Disappointment and sadness for the most obvious reason, I didnt make the top team. No one ever goes in hoping that they dont make the top team. I am disappointed in myself as well, I didnt play well at all this past few days and I will be the first person to tell you that.

Relief in that I finally now where I stand and have an idea of what my first semester at Linfield will be like. Although I do not have a schedule of when my games will be or when we will practice but I am assuming I will find out soon enough. Its a HUGE relief in that try-outs are finally over. I hate try-outs, I have always hated try-outs. Its like being on pins and needles for days on end. Did the coach see that bad pass...did he see that good pass? You may never know.

Frustration in the way that I played during try-outs. If it wasnt a train wreck that you cant get much closer. Nothing ever clicked for me. Please dont think that I am making excuses because I am not. The way that I played this weekend did deserve to be on the JV team. Its just incredibly frustrating to know that I am capable of being so much better than I was this weekend.

Anger at myself and if I am going to be 100% honest anger at the coach. Angry at myself because I did not play to my potential. So mad at myself that I was not better prepared and there is no one to blame for that but myself. But I have learned for next year and will be completely ready.

Excitement may seem like a strange emotion but playing on JV will have some pros to make the cons not seem as bad. The number one reason that I am excited is that I will most defiantly have playing time!! This is exciting to me because I will get to do what I came here to do, play volleyball. If I had made the varsity team the chances of me getting consistent or ever playing in a game is slim. There will only be 11 girls on the roster which is also good. I will also have the chance to ease into being a college student and athlete. My schedule will not be nearly as full and rigorious (spelling sorry). I am hoping that it will make it an easier transition for me.

Everyone keeps telling me next year, next year. At the moment that really irritates me because I am sick of next year and wishing for this year. But they are right in that I have next year to give it a shot again and be even better prepared because I will know what I can expect. Just wait till next year when they get to see what I am truly capable of doing. And in the meanwhile I will prove them wrong as I bust my butt on JV.